Accountability is Overated

Accountability is overrated. It really is.

I used to bang on about how the antidote to all manner of vices was to have people around us. Don't be isolated. Have friends. Meet with them often. Talk about what's going on in your life.

Now I see things differently.

Over the last few years pretty much all the people I've known who have found themselves in, well, let's just say "trouble" (and I've known a lot of people in this category) have been those who would be described as being in "accountable relationships".

So, my conclusion....having "accountability" doesn't work. People still make ridiculous choices that shipwreck their lives and those of others. It doesn't work.

At least, it doesn't work the way we naively thought it would.

The fact is that we're only as accountable as we want to be.

We can share "what's going on for us" and still not say what's really going on. We can ask one another how things are and simply assume that the asking of the question is sufficient knowing that if we leave it at just "asking", others will do the same for us. Don't really ask, don't really tell.

I mean, let me ask you: When was the last time you took a risk in the information you disclosed to someone you would say you were "accountable to"? Or do you always play it safe, not risking yourself or the relationship? If you're not....chances are you're playing at accountability. And it's a dangerous game. You look like your back is covered but in reality it's totally exposed.

It might be worth doing some reflection on this.

Who do we have in our lives who we know, love and trust (and who know, love and trust us enough) to say the things we desperately need to hear? To what extent are we deepening, and investing in these relationships by an ever-more bold (brave, daring, audacious, courageous) disclosure of our shadow-side?